“Happiness comes when your work and words are of benefit to yourself and others.”
-Teachings of Buddha
I really like this quote because it does seem to capture the fundamental quality of what “happiness” is. It also reminds me of how essential balance is for true happiness. We need to be mindful of what is beneficial to ourselves, as well as what is beneficial to others. We can not either become so focused on ourselves that we forget about others, nor can we become so dedicated to others that we forget about ourselves. Neither extreme will result in happiness.
I also like this quote because I love to think that it is our words (along with our actions) that can bring happiness. As writers, we write because it makes us happy to do so. As writers, we can strive to make others happy as well.
~Melissa 🙂
Melissa Morris Inoa🌱 
Ahh the teachings of Buddha. I think this quote has just answer questions I’ve been working through…as well as bringing up others.
At the end of my mothering role as I have known it for 19 years, I’m forced to look living my life for me, and what makes me happy.
From when I can remember, I’ve lived my life trying to please, or serve others. I have never come first. Now with no one to serve or please, I have been left wondering if I’ve served because it made me happy or because of conditioning.
Conditioning has been a huge part, but the desire to be of benefit I think is something innate. Mindfulness is most important here. Why do we do what we do. Is it our desire to be of benefit, or to satisfy our craving for happiness?
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Writeandcreate, you’re going through (or I should say went through), what my mother and coupleof my Aunts are…The realization that their kids don’t really need them for day-to-day needs/wants can be hard for moms.
You also sound just like my mother: willing to help others first, putting herself second. It’s not a bad thing, because for some, helping others DOES help themslves feel better.
But at the sametime my mother always says: you can’t help others without helping yourself first.
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drcorner, thanks for your thoughts. Your mother is right. You shouldn’t forget about yourself. As a mother, that’s not always easy to do. I also think when giving of one self or being of benefit to others, it can almost become addictive, when you lose why you do it and again forget about yourself. I think many people get lost in what they do rather than who they are. It’s funny when you think about it. We don’t ask people “who are you?” we ask “what do you do?”
By the way, interesting blog you have. Keep it up.
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Hello Melissa,
I think the quote you reproduced is highly appropriate and refers directly to the pursuit of that thing we westerners often find so elusive. Call by my blog at http://www.themechanicsofhappiness.com and see if there’s more food for thought there.
Lee
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Writeandcreate, thanks. You’re right though, it can become addictive…one reason I think so is because they find a comfort zone, and roll with it. It’s great though that people help others, so I’d never try to deter someone, unless it was for their own good or of necessity.
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What a great conversation you have going! I did think that many people could relate to this because it seems like so many people are either worrying about others too much, or so consumed by their own problems that they have a hard time seeing beyond them. I think the idea of balance is key, but achieving that balance is the difficult part!
Does anyone have any tips?
~Melissa 🙂
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You’re right, Melissa balance is the key. First you have to recognise that there is imbalance. For me, that recognition came at midlife when the people I had been of benefit via mothering and partnering were suddenly no longer there. It was just me…I was right out of my comfort zone. How do you recognise that you are living in a comfort zone?
As for balance I think its important to recognise the small things of benefit to you, that make you happy or give you joy…The smell of a rose, the warmth of the sun on your back, the satisfaction after planting a tree. The feeling of getting into a hot bath.
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I think you may be right about the small things. The balance is definitely in the small things…the small things we do for ourselves (including stopping to smell the roses) and the small things we do for others (taking care of the people we love). But, the small things do add up and the imbalance can eventually tip the scale to the point where a person is no longer happy, even among those small things.
You raise a good question, though…how do we know when we are in a “comfort zone” and that the zone is out of balance (I think that is the rest of your question, right?). I am not sure I have the answer!
Perhaps the answer is that we have to learn from our experiences and unfortunately (or fortunately) we all experience pain, disappointment, loss, and other things that ultimately guide us to this place of perspective about what is helping us achieve the balance we need at the end of the day…or, at least I hope so!
~Melissa 🙂
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I think, speaking from experience, one of the main ways to recognize a comfort zone is to be dramatically ejected from it.
Sometimes the rude awakening allows for self-examination.
Achieving balance on the other hand is very hard to do. I don’t think there’s any one answer to this, because everyone’s method of achieving it is different because we’re different.
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Thankyou both Melissa, and Dr Corner, your written words and thoughts have been invaluable to my own self-examination and process of discovery.
The word ‘balance,’ brings to mind a picture of a circus tight-rope walker, high above the crowd. Without balance ….
How to achieve balance? Maybe its always a work in progress.
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drcorner, “We don’t appreciate the worth of water until the well is dry”?
writeandcreate, I am glad that you have found some value in the ideas we have shared here. I do agree that achieving balance is often an ongoing work in progress, and hope that as time goes by there is less and less work to do.
~Melissa 🙂
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